00:01 - 2005-03-13
I Don't Care to Share
I've been thinking about my diary and I have to say: I have a bad habit of daylogging. Maybe it's a character flaw, but I hate smearing my emotions across the internet. As some who know me can attest, I'm a very closed person where my emotions are concerned. I don't like sharing them with anybody -- and occasionally that includes myself. I don't like sharing the ugly emotions; they embarrass me. Even when I'm angry, I'll tell everyone in a five mile radius of me (usually because they can hear me bitching about it), but I just can't feel comfortable dealing with serious anger here. Heather once told me that it didn't have to be deep or personal, but I can't help but feel like it should be -- at least occasionally. I like to think I'm getting better, but I'm not sure I am. I don't think I really mention sadness except for missing Heather, or loneliness, even love only comes up occasionally. I keep all that stuff elsewhere. When all is said and done, it boils down to this little thing: my emotions scare me, owning up to them scares me even more and sharing them is a horrific thought.
At least the Friday Five is good for that -- occasionally it gives me a lead into being a little deeper than the "and then and then and then" of my life.
